closure

ive come to a decision
wont be updating anymore
hahahahahahahahahaha
well maybe not 'anymore'
for awhile la
for a number of reasons
'wasting time' is one
'lazy' is another
and 'pointless rambling' is another yet again
amongst the many others
so till 'the next time'
ciaos!
will inform when i actually start updating once again

*pouts*

horrid horrid monday
SWAY! is the word
come, let me tell all of you a sad sad story

sunday:
felt a little sick
my tonsils were definitely inflammed
there was pus on it
tasted blood when i swallowed once in a while
ate only an apple the whole day
went to class
felt HORRID after that

monday:
not any better
didnt sleep the whole night coz the pain in my throat was BAD
temperature went up a little
cough
flu
HORRID

but its not being sick thats horrid. every1 falls sick once in awhile...its being SWAY, absolutely SWAY thats disturbing

continuation:
the plan:
see the doctor
go to school
im suppose to have my first sociology tutorial today
2pm-4pm
followed by my total war lecture
4pm-8pm
didnt know how i was going to survive from 2-8 w/o any substantial break
so i planned to go for tutorial and skip lecture

went to the doc
he gave me my meds
said my throats badly inflammed
gave me a different kind of antibiotic
went home
took the meds
changed
got ready to go for lunch then school
BUT
my eyes turned deep red
like some freaking dracula
my mum called up our doc
he said come back immediately
so we did
on the way
my eyes swelled
looked like some doll you will find in movies like 'chuckie'
my mum told the counter lady
can you make it fast, shes needs to go to school
the lady was like
what school?
university, said my mum
she replied
mad ah???your so sick!dont go!
errrrrrrrrrrrrrr
errrrrrrrrrrrrrr
PANIC!
PANIC PANIC PANIC!
i cant not go to school!
first tutorial, no friends in the class
bad bad idea to skip
1: bad impression
2: if there was an assignment given, i would never know!
3: miss out, and be lost
GRUNTS
my bro said...dont go!anw you look fightening
even aunty usha said...jst skip..it wld be crazy to go to sch

so i didnt go
and i feel soooo insecure
i have no way of finding out what went on
i need to email the tutor and ask if i can go for another slot
so that i dont miss out
and ask if theres any assignment
but guess what
i bloody hell dont know the tutors name!
so i have to email the department
my bro and niva said emailings the only thing i can do
ahhhhhh

now i seriously miss days in JC
at least you have friends!
and your not completely alone in some classes
so that if you skip a day
you just pick up the phone and call a friend
*POUTS*
sway..first tutorial
and rekhas missing
:(

study to be happy

come all ye ppl.lets take our minds to the grandeur of the elizabethan era and focus our very much dwindling brains to the splendour of the very person who coined the depths of the english language; shakespeare. as He once pointed out thru the voices of the characters of 'Macbeth', 'life is walking shadow which struts and frets..'

no, i'm not doing Macbeth now, neither am i doing shakespeare. But i surely am 'struting and fretting' across te stage of studies!

ok rekha. cut the crap

Right now as i'm typing, I am simple laying out the flowers and streamers for my very own catafalque.how lovely. and when i am done I shall lay my body on it, and peacefully devour every moment of my failures.....and then maybe when i am in hell...or with some luck, heaven, i shall write a book titled, 'rekhas many many failures in her first year at NUS.'

yes yes, i am crapping again am i?????

rekha is not suppose to be blogging
rekha is suppose to be studying
rekha is prob the only uni student not studying
and rekha is going to be lost next week
and rekha is not gng to get her points
and 4ys later
rekha is not going to achieve her aim of first class honours
now rekha is officially allowed to
SCREAM!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

okok.cannot.caonnaot cannot cannot
i am officially turning into a nerd.
jivis,, yes you JIVANAAH SUSEL DAYALAN
better make sure that i become a geek
so no more roaming around aimlessly around the campus
no more brownies with ice cream topped with gossipping
study study study
and oh, shall we be happy!

anger?

ANGST
its bubbling
somewhere under my exterior
an interior so DARK......
an interior so familiar

im angry
worst
i cant nail the reason behind it
its a concoction of emotions
feeelings
thoughts
perceptions
all negative of course
and its bubbling up
now close to the surface
and im going to explode

but that rose remains deep in my heart
the one that was touched by
the most radiant light ever
just a couple of weeks ago
and that rose
remains strong
on a cushion of serenity and beauty
and it consumes this anger
tho not all of it
why?
its leaving me some to handle
so that i can learn

sigh-ness
i hate in when im angry
and worst still
cant find a single reason for it
coz theres just too many
to make matters worst
i realised i have to start studying
as in mugging
else i'll fall back
and i have sooo much planning
im freaking out!
those of u who knoe we well
u know what i become when im freaking out
and its absolutely scary
no no
the 'A level' stress panicky rekha must not come back
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
and HE better help...he just better.

AY 2007/2008 ... freshman

alrite...week one has come
and gone
fridays my free day
yay
its called
'strategic planning when choosing modules'
if ur smart like me...u will also end up with long weekends
hehe

my modules this sem:
HY2216 : total war
HY1101E: Asia and the modern world
SC1101E: making sense of society
SE1101E: southeast asia, a changing region
PS1101E: Introduction to political science

gone for all except the first one
and its all good
no major complains bout any one of them
the weeks really relax
coz tutorials havent started
and we havent strated drowning in assignments and projects
but yeah
overall
i made good choices
the modules are all useful and fun..and the lecturers are good

the school?
its interesting how all the faculties have their individual characteristics
and where i come from
FASS
its colour...
silence?? NO WAY
its us
its me
arts students have their very individualistic sense of being
science have theirs
biz have theirs
...and the list goes on
the structure itself?
they can do better
but the old fashioned ambiance
that dawns upon you
once you step on the sch grounds
has a subtle sense of class
the idea of
'gentry of the old parish' i would say
and within the quiet walls
of the campus as a whole
a vague illustration of
social stratification can be seen
and i would say
at the peak of the pyramid
lies ....
FASS
hehe....
we rock lar....i have to admit...along with everyone else...
and to shift to my evil side
if u really cant consume the different 'colours' of FASS
STAY OUT!
like this guy in my soci lect
doing the module as a cross-faculty module
kills the ambiance of FASS with just one statement:
"har, must write essay one ah??"
AHHHHHHHHHHH
go away...shoo...shooo
go back to ur home
if u want to contaminate mine
sorry..evil i know
but in life there must always be a balance of good and evil
even in ourselves
hehe

university ... hmmmmm
its realy funny how u work your way up
one moment your a silly JCstudent
struggling...stress to the max
convinced that at the rate your going you'll never make it to uni
convinced that uni is a 'dream'...never to become real
and next moment
ur A levels results are out
u r walking the streets of nus/ntu/smu
and now ur main concern is getting thru uni...and cmming out wit a first class honour degree
amazing huh..how life has its automatic gradual progression
so to all those JC students
trust me
you'll make it..as long as u put in the effort
A's will be the worst exam any1 can sit for
but its not a hurdle you cant jump over
you'll have to struggle ...and jump and jump ...
over and over again
thats gauranteed
but with all that trying
your bound to get over it...
trust me
i know what im talking about
been there, done that
hold strong, and have faith
:)
espeacially my dear friend/sister
you'll do it....
and i'll be right next to you
together with HIM

the weekend

a very simple
a very sincere
weekened
i must say

saturday
was the JOY presentation
followed by bhajans
at moulmein
afterwhich
we all went to tekka
for teh aliah
(mine was ice milo)
tehn had no idea where toi go for dinner
gokul was closed
so some1 suggested komala vilas!
and yes
tats where we ended up!
so so fun
as usual...










us (just one table..the other tables not in foto) at KV



sunday
woke up early
went for prayers arranged by my dear grandma
rushed to class
made it just b4 the buses came
felt a tiny bit guilty tat i couldnt come early to help clean the premises
class was superb as usual
tho many didnt turn up
but tat just gave us an opportunity to have informla chats with the girls
i was exhausted
EXHAUSTED by the end of it
then went to temple to set up for bhajans
lay the sound system wires
carpets
etc
i was soooooo tired
i couldnt take it anymore....
left around 9 15
reached home
around 10 +
so so tired
but OH SO HAPPY!

the four of us after the movie

ya sumi...my cutest cousin...my mums side

abi dearie and me...after the movie...at swensons

ya sumis brother...prashant..i used to babysit him...he's growing up sooo fast

archu dearie and me...at PS toilet

mummy and me at my aunts place

just plainly me ...

there she is agian..i bet shes the prettiest in her cls... :)

i didnt take a photo of my uncle...so heres an older photo..him and his band...super cool...they were a really popular band in the 60's..my uncles the one in sunglasses..he used to be the guitarist and lead singer...but basically he can play any instrument....the keyboard, drumsets, violin...everything...

heres wat happened yest...went to watch harry potter again...went to swensons..then rushed home coz my uncle and aunt and their kids were cmming over and we were going out for dinner...they migrated to india 2 yrs ago..yes india...coz its easier to survive as a musician there than here...and the kids are having a great time...coz sch isnt stressful...and sooooo cute...they have a slight indian accent!..and they shake their heads when they talk...but character wise..they are still the same....

i remember i used to take care of prashant when he was in diapers...and now whaooo....he's 12 ... so fast..but still cute larrr...he sang the indian national anthem for us...its damn nice...sounds like some ganesha bhajan...and the night his sister was born, we had to look after him...still rmb those days were he was still soo little.

yasumi...has always been oh so pretty...i still rmb the time when i was babysitting her, and i scolded her nicely coz she didnt want to finish her food...those were the days...miss babysitting them...they are still soo adorable.

miss my uncle too..during christmas gatherings , he would lead us in all the carols, while he played the guitar and my older uncle played the violin...and we wld listen to him sing, (we atempted to sing along) and we would eat nice christmas pudding and cake....he seriously has a damn nice voice...he came to the temple once and led a class with the grp 3's when i was still in grp 3...but tat was a long time ago...oh and u know wat...he was asked to be a s'pore idol judge...but he was migrating already..so couldnt...it wld have been so fun watching him judge...ahhhhhhh....love them and miss them!!! :(

nat day gathering

ok like i said
its been a long time since we chilled
and just slack
absolutely no work involved

aunty nesams house
3 30 PM - 12 15 AM
the menu:
sardine curry
tahu sambal with fishball
(all veg of crs)
tempeh, tahu, beans
mangosteen, longans and rambutans
ice cream: choice of coffee, toffee, vanilla, chocolate
ppl: everyone..!!!!!!!!!.. :) :)

record breaking number of times one has laughed
courtesy of uncle sunthar of course
oh, and not forgetting the manicure session!
cant believe it...now we all have nice lovely nails...soo crazy and cute la they all

i missed a day like tat
i was soooo waiting to have such a day in a long while
now that the work has simmered down for awhile
im sure we can afford more days like tat
:)
and so last nite is treasured
the food was treasured
the jokes and laughter are treasured
but most of all
the people
are very much treasured

ok now off to watch harry potter again
ppl: me, abi, achu, arul anne, aunty sandra, manges, lakshana, pranavan, ramanan
YAY
this may sound like an ultimate bimbo, but who cares:
....rite now..... I LOVE MY LIFE!
:)

national day

yeap...todays our nations bdae...:)
but let me first recount the pre national day dayy, the pre preparations...

wayang kulit (shadow puppetry i/c) ????
errrrrr
the first day i arrived back in s'pore after the trip
my bro dsnt even greet me proparly...
wats one of the first sentence he put forth?
"okok, rekha, we've got lots of work to do"
harrrrrrr?????
wat work??
"i need you to take charge of the wayang kulit"
errrrrrrr
okayyyyyy
"i need you to make props for it...the puppets"
errrrr
okayyyyy
hahas...
so i was appointed by the director
cnt say no
after all
HE did say we must do more work

props
seemed like an ez task initially
started with the lion
went on to the sampan the kampong
then the british ship
and i thought i was done

sec 1 boys
the sec one boys were to be the ones dng the show
as in they would be behind the screen holding the puppets
so on sunday i met them
had to train them
and
OMGGGGGGGGG
is it just boys?
or is it just sec one boys
i secretly want to believe its boys
ahhhhhhhhhhhh
as in
AHHHHHHH
and so we started the training
and the trying
me together with manges

more props
it was too plain
so lots more props had to be done
i couldnt do it by myself
so had to recruit more ppl
i called like 20 ppl i tink
abi and achu, manges also helped call
5 ppl came to help
:)
and we did more props
then when everyone went home after dng
we tried the whole thing
again
and it was stll too plain
sth was missing
it needed more colour!
and mind you, this is the eve of teh programme
so at 12 midnite
a decision is made that more has to be done
so i had to go home and do it
1 am - 5am
rekha sits in here hall cutting and drawing out props
she took nearly 1 1/2 hrs on the island alone

family art time!
wed morning
wit having barely 4 hrs of slp
i face a situation
the props aernt finished!
and the performance is on like tat day!
rekha
being her
PANIC
and she starts work again
buttttt
shes got such lovely parents
both her mum and dad
sit down wit her
and help her
phew
thanks to them
it was almost finished
by the time she went to the temple at 3

the actual
wat can i say
i teared at the end of it all
the kids
were so so so good
and my wayng kulit boys
were amazing!
i should buy them chocolates
the dance girls
despite only having like 4 practices
were soooo sweet
and lovely
the older boys who did the chorale reading
they showed discipline and focusness completely thru their perfomance
the finale item ppl
made efforts to smile, sing along
and they looked absolutely beautiful
so so so proud of all of them
i was smiling like some mad person
i tell u
we can put up a real production already
oh and our multi media
take of my hat to hamma aka, vijaya aka, and abi
:) :)
looked sooooo good
with lots of thanks to the master of directors, the director of the universe
it was a splendid performance
a pay off to everyones intense hard work and love fr His work
:)

nat day itself
ok back to today
we are finally going to CHILL!
no work
absolutely no work
(apart from cooking)
just chill and chat
sth we all love to do
but havent done in a really long while
sathsanging! cant wait for that
yeap
a good way to end hardwork
of crs
HE'l be there
in his own way
and He'l be chilling a long with us
and acting invisible
as we talk about Him
YAY!
happy bdae s'pre!

TSPC

yeap...today was the scholarship ceremony...
it was ok
got pretty nervous ..
afraid that i would trip on my heels...
trip fall and die... in front of all those ppl
was interviewed by tamil murusu ... spoke in tamil
hehe
no lah
spoke in english
my parents and aunty sandra came :)
bumped into my sec 4 english teacher
well actually she found me
insisted that i go back to smss to teach
hmmmmm
see how ...
probably would want to go back there ...
left the ceremony around 5
went to eat
so so hungry
went to temple
theres sooo much to do tomoro
got to make new props for the nat day programme
i neeed heelppppp plssssss
any1 free?? 7 pm tomoro???
pls feel free to jump in :)
anw yar
im quite waiting for the national day hols
its been a long time since we just slacked and chilled
so looking forward to chilling all together and watching the parade
its just been work work and work for the past couple of months
tho its all good fun
a break is high in demand im guessing
and then a toast to the work
all in His name
:) cheers! :)

school :)

yeap
officially a student of NUS - FASS
went down todae with jivis
did our registration
got our matric card
(we look like convicts on it)
went for the CCA fair
otherwise known as the matric fair
we signed up for loads of stuff

module bidding also started todae
so we had to get that done
it so so stressful
and u dnt really know how to do it
no one really gives u instuctions
anw
ive done my bidding
and i placed bids for

PS1101E : political science : introduction to political science :
SC1101E : sociology : making sense of society
SE1101E : southeast asian studies : southeast asia - a changing region
EU1101E : History : making of contemporary europe

but ive got a bad sense tho, that im not really gng to get most of it...they're too high in demand,,oh well...we'll just leave it to Him....

so schools starting next week. im glad. sad that due to some complicated reasons, i cant take my literature modules this semester...sighness....
happy schs starting! triple yay!

the past couple of days since i got back...has been busy busy once again..preparing for uni in the afternoons....then of crs...more work to be done...so at the temple every nite... :) :)
still higly happy..hope im this high next week, month..years to come...

on this journey of joy ...

on this journey of joy ...
transformation is my goft of devotion ...

" O i feel like dancing
its foolishness i know
but when the world has seen the lord
they will dance with me
like im dancing now
...
hallelujah!
...
i could sing of your love forver
o lord
i could sing of your love forever"

yup....that simply describes my state of mind
its weird
how everything just stops in time
upon that gaze
upon that experience
of bountiful love
pure love
happiness peace bliss
dawns upon you
you want to think of nothing else
you wnat to experience noting else
you want nothing else
simply
that recurrance
of pure love

now i just hope
pray
and pray
that i dont slide back to where i left from
that i dont bring shame
to this testimony of love
that i dont disappoint
his glory

so ive got to work
work and more work
to remove any limits
ive placed upon work
work to fulfill
work to justify
work to transform
work
to present
my gift of devotion
...

"time waste is life waste"
no more wasting ime fr me!
so got to cut loads of stuff...
yeap
time must be used wisely now
time must be used to do His work only
for
"time waste is life waste"

JAI!

pre trip post

i'll be leaving like day after tomoro...
WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
tats realllly fast
actually its tomoro
considering the fact tat now its past md nite
im so so so consoled that jivis is cmming wit me
and we both made solemn promises to each other
that we wont ditch at all!!! we'll stick to each other like soulmates
we need the support from each other larrsssssss
and its funny enof
that a lot of thoughts in our minds
actually match
as in they are the same!
so we havent really lost that many many years of friendship
have we jivs???
yeap
12 years
and more to come
yesh....12....we were besties frm the first day of p1 at ehv
we had to play tis game..where u rmb the name of the person nxt to u
till the next week
and jivis and i happened to be next to each other
hehehe
she saw sth in me i think

okok...so enof of jivis...heh
back to the trip proper
yeap
leaving this sat
back on the 31st
havent packed
but im used to last minute packing
theres been so much gng on
the whole temple has been like transformed into like an arts school!!!!
in every room there are like zombified ppl cutting, painting, stitching, pasting
y zombified??
coz everyones like dng work till 1am!!!!
everyday....
yawns...
we need to finish the exhibition stuff by friday..tats like todae..lol

tomoro (friday) night
abi, achu, shrania are staying over
so that they can follow me to the airport the next morn
have to be there at 5 AM!
not planning to slp at all
ordering pizza!
and we'll stay awake thru k?
my dearie anisha was supposed to stay too
but shes not :(
its ok dear!
i'll call and wake u up at 5! frm the airport

am i excited?
of crs!
am i scared???
of crs!
will i cry when i leave???
yes!
is this the first time i'll cry when i go away?
yes!
then how come i'll cry??
coz dunnoe if i deserve this?scared?
and ppl tat im used to going india with aernt going

when i get back.....
i think things will be differnt
in one sense, things will definitely be different
a lot of EXCITEMENT
firstly
SCHOOL IS STARTING
FINALLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY the holidays comming to an end
i cant take it
my brain is gng to explode
yesh..i ACTUALLY wanna study
anw its quite exciting...
i will get to study all sorts of books
frm like brit lit
to like asian lit
from like drama
to film studies
yeah...majoring it lit rawks!
whoa...university mannnnn...no more uniforms
haha
cant believe it
i still feel like i just ended O levels

2nd thing tat im really really really looking forward
is the TSPC
okok..speak english rekha
it stands for
teaching scholarship presentation ceremony
u get to inivite only 3 ppl tho
tat INCLUDES your parents
and the other person
has to be a teacher that inspired u...
i invited a person who taugt me in a different way
she didnt teach me in school
but taught me at EHV
but shes still a teacher by profession
go guess....haha
they make it sound really prestigious
like the GOH is minister of edu himself
and its at suntec ballroom
but quite scary
anw...i just have sth against the dress code
its suffocating!!!!!
long sleeve collared formal shirt
and HEELS! argh.. OUCH... heels = ouch
anw...still on my list of exciting things nontehless

feel a bit sad tat i missed the uni camps
espeacially the faculty of arts camp
oh well
hope O week is still fun in a way
reunification with nathini !!!!
after a painful 1 1/2 years of separation
wish mel was wit us tho
love them lots

ok.anything else that i wanna say b4 i leave???
errrrmmmmmm
to alll those staying behind::::
rekha loves u lots
and she'll call all of u as often as poss
this includes
anishaaaaa ... rania ....

and abi achu,,,,
faster come!!!!!!
i tell u i'll jump for joy when i see u guys there on the 25th
:) :) :) :) :)

and i feel like saying this
i love all of u
as in all my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love yew love yew love yew guys
*muacks*

see you all again in the 31st
:)
and those gng to sch wit me
get geared up
for exitement at its max

:)

bye for now ...

desperado

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences,
for so long - now.
Ohh you're a hard one.
I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin'you
Can hurt you somehow.

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table.
But you only want the ones
That you can't get.

Desperado,
Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger,
They're driving you home.
And freedom, ohh freedom.
Well that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the night time from the day.
And you're losing all your highs and lows
aint it funny how the feeling goes
away...

Desperado,
Why don't you come to your senses?
come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you.
(let sombody love you)
You better let somebody love you...ohhh..hooo
before it's too..oooo.. late.
(the eageles)


everyone has a song to describe his or her feelings at some point .. a song that perfectly summarises her moments...her feelings.. her thinking...and yeah..this is the one for me right now.

saturdar

PART 1
stayed over at abis place the day b4
slept at 3
woke at 5
so basically 2hrs of slp
damn tired
went to airport
send aunty nesam of
left airport around 8

PART 2
reached home around 9 15
met my second surety
at 10 45
went to moe
sign papers
yawnnnnsssssss
but i got to spend time wit my second surety
:)
and we made each other laugh
toking nonsense
and yawning every 3 minutes
left MOE around 12

PART 3
met rania at causeway point
yawns
hehehe
suppose to watch thiru play hockey
thank god tat was done away wit
yay!
(hehe..im so mean!)
but he won... must be because of us..somehow
so slacked at bb coffee bean wit rania
yawns again
hehe
met two strange creatures
they go by the names maran and jivis
god bless my soul
to have such strange friends..
ahhh okok cannot be soo mean rekha
anw..went to jp
yesh
JURONG POINT!
a place tat reminds me of a sad past
haha
soo far frm my place larrr...meanies!
met 3 suspicious characters
okok..i give chance ot shiva...he's not that suspicious
played pool
i must admit
im damnnn good lar
marans jealous
sharania needs to buck up
:)
then some hockey 'champion' joined us
he looks weirrdddddd i tell u
too goody goody
and we all know thiru is not equal to good
hehe
aft all the poolin
2 ditched us
went to shivas place
lets ignore the sad details of this part
and hop on to the nice parts
hanged around the pool area
it was fun
really
:)
left arnd 10 30

the highlights:
me wacking maran with my slipper
cat fight with rania (i won)
me being a wonderful pool player...heh
me kicking thiru
me pouring pool water on shiva
i think he cried
actually ...
i tink rania and i made all the guys cry
hehehehehehehehehe
rite rania???
and at the end of it all
they bowned down to us and agreed to bo our slaves
yay!

of crs rania took a lot of photos
60 to be accurate
but u noe wat
im only in 20 of them
hrmph!!!
:(

ahhhhhhhhhh... some1 helppp me!!!!haha luv yew rania! (*puke*) ;)














shocked!horrorS! we must have seen one of the guys














jivis! next time tip toe larrrrr

at my low

my grandmas in hospital again
:(
tho she seems fine
i hate it when shes there
it makes me scared
scared to think that someday
maybe soon
she'll have to go
and i hate it when ppl talk and say
tat day seems to be comming
for shes been too hurt my her sons death last year
my uncle
and hurt at this age
is a strong trigger
for ones own departure
and its times like that
when i hate myslef
for not being able to speak tamil
for tho its clear that we love each other
the love isnt expressed to its fullest
:(
i'll make it up to her in my next life
..
for now i'll just enjoy being with her

and today
a reminder of a certain moment
a moment of hurt
became so clear
that i started hurting again
and tho i said moments always pass
i have a strange feeling
that some just are here to stay
and tho the pain will eventually go
it will still lay in me
deep within
but in me nontheless
the most hurting of all :
im powerless
i cant do anything
and cant talk no more
cant talk to anyone
coz no one can make the pain go away
so whats there to do?
cry...cry it all out...
the flow tears somehow help
coz once u push all the sadness out of u
it kind of leaves more room
for joy and satisfaction
and it leaves more opportunity
to forget
and leave what needs to be left in the past
and to run far away form it
never looking back
run till its out of sight
and no longer matters
no longer part of my life

simple fun

yeap. todays one of those days.where theres no clouds.everythings clear...as in....there was no complications..no emo-ism....it was just a normal simple day.....the sort i love...it makes life look sooo....clear?

so what didi i do in the day?
mainly :
1) went for lunch with mummy/naina
2) slack at home
3) met aunty sandra and abi at toa payoh to eat/drink
4) temple post-wedding clearing up

well the post weddng clearing up was really something. it was disgusting! seriously, the place was in a mess! and it was so so so smelly. this was the first time that the place was so smelly and only 6 of us to clear the whole place and set up for friday,,,but we did it...of course with much laughter..what with uncle sunthar and all his stories.....so it was a tiring task...but a joyful one nontheless.. :) (but i came out stinking like the room!ewwwwwww) so we managed to make it look sparkling clean...and nice smelling... :)

yeap. thats all i did todae. i loveeee days like that. so simple. yet it ends with a bang...i just sailed thru the day...pure simple fun. :) :)

oh btw..just FYI, i did come home and have a nice long shower. and now as im blogging, i smell of johnson and johnson baby bath foam... yay!!!!!!!! i smell good...smell me!!!!!!!... :)

see- saw

see-saw
up and down
happy
sad
happy
pissed
happy
sad
happy
pissed

once, she told me, shes gotten so used to life that everytime shes sad or angry, she'l remind herslef that it'll be better soon...coz its like tat u see...u can be soo sad one day...but its definite that that moment will surely pass...and a joyous happy moment will eventually crop up...so if u look at it that way..life just becomes life..a matter of getting used to...like a see-saw...you wont stay down forever...at some point, u will be on the 'up' side....

i was reading my 'emo' post tat i wrote 2 days ago...and you know what..its amazing how i feel sooo detatched from it at this moment...at that moment when i was writing it...tehre was sooo much anger..i wonder where all that anger disappeared to...

so i kinda figured...the next time im angry or sad..i just have to do what she does...remind myself that its just another moment in time ... and it will pass...and another moemtn..either a happy one or anotehr sad one will take its place...basically the lesson is...no moment is permanent..so y let any moment affect you?

life is made up of all these little 'moment' pakages
a package gets delivered to you with each breath u take
the trick comes in rising above these packages
to open them up
and face whatever is inside with His name on your lip
and courage in your heart
the packages arent life
the moments arent life
life is beyond each moment
its a bigger more significant picture
and our job is to find that true meaning to life
to look beyond individual moments...
to trust Him...
to trust that each package he gives you if for your good
this is the dummys guide to life

if only i could stick to that little solution
oh how happy life would be
tyr try and try
trust.

yawnssss

yeap. it was a super super tiring day. firstly i went to bed so late then couldnt get out of bed. but i had to coz i had to be at the temple by 11+...soooo..rush rush rush rush....went to get stuff ready for class...then later on aunty sandra, hemma and me were cutting papers till we seriously went mad..and we left the temple only at 2 50...reached the school at like 3 10...class started!!!!!...and me..NOT CHANGED....rush rush rush....and the stupid toilet didnt have a mirror...what a disaster....so i also looked like a disaster thru the day...sighsss..my hair was in a mess...

but it was a good day nontheless...a great first lesson...everyone was high...even while we were preparing for class...we were crazy...aunty sandra la...super funny..and in class...tho i hardly spoke a word enjoyed myelf...coz i could see tat the girls were really enjoying themselves...it was all so perfect...as usual...:) :) :)

and at the end of it all...im so so so tired....splitting headache....but oh so happy and contented...:)

scream.run. scream

urgh
urgh
argh

im not useless
im not some girly piece of shit


i make mistakes???
so??
an no im not dimwitted


so what am i suppose to do
be pissed?
be hurt?
in silence....

and seriously
im not an innocent crappy idiot!!!!
im not INNOCENT!!!

sometimes i feel like running away
any1 wanna join me?
run and run and run
to somewhere really far
and find out who i am
disappear to discover
and then come back
a person no one would hate
a person i wont hate

sometimes my heads all noisy
really noisy
i cant seem to silence it
its just getting worst
all the thoughts
god knows where they come from
theres no more space in my mind
yet these thoughts
they keep comming
ahhhhh
shuttup!!!!!!


i wanna run
i wanna hurt me
i wanna scream
scream
till its silent
both outside and inside
:(
is the end drawing near?
i wish
im fed up
im fed up with trying and trying
im fed up with falling and falling
with disappointing everyone
with hurting- me and others
with being confused
with wanting waht isnt needed
with making mistakes
with not pleasing him...
and im tired

unthinkable change

since 1974

its been our identity!

we are proud of it...

ask any one of us



we wore it with pride

stood up for it



even when it was put down by the newspaper

so many proud smss girls wrote in



yes, and im too proud

that i wore it for ten straight years



so



HOW CAN THEY CHANGE IT NOW!!!!!

its unthinkable

its sooooo

WHAT!!!!!!!



how can you cange the st margarets uniform?????

harrr???

huh?????



yup. the smss uni is gng to be changed. well thankfully, the polka dots remain. but still???????

its been the uniform since 1974. one of the first proper uniforms of singapore schools.

i suddenly miss our late principal, mrs caroline lee. she would never change the uniform. she carried the smss identity as much as we did. God bless her soul.



the change:

from one piece to two piece

knee length to above knee length skirt

fake tie to real tie.....





ok so maybe it would look nicer...but NO...it still cant be changed. calling all ex students to petition!!!!! someone come up with a petition FAST...i know we were toking bout it, but now we have to go beyond talking.



everyone knew a smss girl when they saw one. they couldnt miss us. be it when we went down to town or took a short ride to the nearby hollad V......but we were proud that ppl knew that we were from smss....coz we knew what life there meant....



"for charity, patience, devotion

let's be known

these qualities St Margaret's shown

on this our school has grown"..... :)

shopping :)

yeap, i know normal human beings would go shopping while the GSS is still on...but is rekha normal...nooooooo....so she goes after the GSS....yipeeeeeee

so amidst all the t shirts/blouses/pants/shoes....what do i get?????

drum roll pls.... :)

my torquoise blue nike bag!!!! YAY...ive been eyeing it for a few weeks now whenever i pass by the nike outlet at novena...yes....im half the time at novena...but pls dont go find me...no matter how desperate you are to spend time with me :)

now this i must say...guess who eyed this bag with me..yes, none other than my dear anisha..since half the time shes also at novena, but not like any of you want to go find her rite?? anw, back to the point, tho we both were eyeing it TOGETHER, the harsh reality of life is that only ONE of us can buy it...main reason is coz its simply dunb to carry the same bag...yes yes, we do wear the same pair of earring, have the same bottle, but bag??uhuh, no wayyy..

so anyway, since only one of us can buy it,, it means whoever gets to it first has it...and yes,,,, who got to it first...weeeeeeeee,,,,,,ME!.....plus, im done with A's and when ur done with A's, ppl, like my mum, give gifts!!!.. sorry dear...sit for your A's first k..then u can get all the bags in the worldddd

i had to call her when i was buying..and i was like 'guess what??',,and she was like...'your buying the bag riteeeee..grrrr"

sorry kiddo! i have to be mean once in awhile, you have to balance everything in life.....

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU anisha dearie!!!!!!!we wear crown earrings this friday k??????and we'll roam the streets together and hen go for bhajans, all with the same pair of earrings!!!! :)

my promise

sometimes i wonder
wat would life be w/o you

do i seem like i take you for granted?
does it look like i dont value?

but what if today,
this day
i make make a promise
a promise that would ensure you
coutless moments of support
a lifelong contract of friendship
truckloads of love

if i were to break this promise
i would hate myself forever
for it would show that im a horrid person
and with that said, i swear never to break this promise.

im sorry for all the times i hurt you
im sorry for not paying attention to your love for me
im sorry for throwing my anger on you at times
im sorry for giving in to my temper
im sorry for being blind to your feelings

i hate myself
at times
for my ridiculous TEMPER
i get angry
and i let anger take over me
and i hate it
when i use it as an excuse to hurt those i love
and im gng to be more aware now
for im not willing to allow my anger
to me the cause of me losing u


i'll make it up to you
i'll be there forever
in no matter what circumstance
i'll compromise
and i'll love
i'll support
and i'll comfort

this is a little note that i write
to pave way for a future
where our friendship will grow stronger than ever

you were sent into my life
so that i can appreciate things that i never saw
selfess love
endless support

the lie behind the phrase
'blood is thicker than water.'

1 july 2007
a promise i make
to a special friendship.
:)

questions??!?!????!???!??!!!!!!

excited?
i dunnoe u noe...
im beginning to wonder
if its really that big a deal
how come im not feeling much
still a bit numb
still a bit lost
still a bit astray

"19 is a crucial age
its when u decide who you are
what you want
where your heading
its when u ask
and ask
and then you decide
and choose
..."

yeah
i think your right
i think shes right
i think ive been choosing a lot this year
without knowing much
this year has been a year'
of many 'first times'
and these 'first times'
aernt exactly things that im proud of
have i decided who am i?
or am i far from deciding?
am i still on the fence?
knowing where i want to go
yet somehow resisting
knowing who i want to be
yet postponing the full realisation......

when is that time going to come?
when am i going to confidently say who i am
to decide and to believe
fully

its got to be soon
that i know
for too much waiting
is going to hurt me eventually
if its His work i want
then i better choose it
fast
if its His servant i want to be
than i better become it
fast.

im scared
and getting more scared each day
will i ever stray too far
too far to turn back
too far to be pulled back
????
will i ever decide?
once and for all

dinners!!!!!

the past two days have been so filled with food...like fooooooddddd!!!
i need to go for a run!!!
so the very next day after the SRKT charity dinner was sai prahlaths bdae party!!!!and yess,, food food and more food...the danger of buffets!....it was a fun time...but it seemed like rania and me were the only camwhores..we need to influence more ppl...heh

HAT FIGHT!!!!!.....uncle prem up to his craziness...hehe.. :)

eventually we became fascinated by the hats






















us again! :)

















me and aunty usha.. :) :)

and the very next day after that dinner...was another dinner in celebration of uncle sunthars bdae (26 june)...at quality hotel....chinese vegetarian BUFFET!!! yessss...BUFFET....uhoh

anw that was really really really fun!!!!!!....crazy...and i love crazy


















preparing to sing the bdae song to our dearest uncle sunthar


















and we sing..."happy bdae to u, happy bdae to u"



















evidence of pigging out...yikes






















love them lots! :)....




























me. aunty usha. hemma
















one final pic to end a happy day.. SMILE :)

thanks :)

22.06.07
the day i took out my dreams
from the pits of my heart
unfolded them
let them fly
to become a reality
once dreams
folded squares
now reality
real happiness
let to grow
let to become

i judged you
hid you away
struggled to trust
but i knew you were there
for u loved me
for you love me
and now in all my joy
i will glorify
and praise
for its you and you alone
waiting for me
at the end of the race.

ppl to thank
mum, naina (dad), ana (bro) : for the countless nites of praying for me, for sharing my disappointment, fr being there, for driving around to run errands, for calling all the contacts, for communicating, for loving, fro putting up with my temper and bad moods

aunty ranga: for going all out to do all she could, for getting me a back up plan, for being there
aunty sandra, aunty usha, uncle sunthar: for being a pillar of support from the very beggining,for countless days of comfort, for keeping me in their prayers everyday, for understanding, for listening
everyone else in the centre: hugs, smiles, support, comfort

nirmala pathey (aunty): for doing what she could in her power, going all out to push, for her re-assurance

anisha, abi, achu: for being the bestest friends, showering me with comfort..for being there

benjamin (anishas tutor): for doing what he could in his power despite me being a mere stranger

(centre friends) sharania, shiva,niva, thiru, jivs: for advice, for consolation

(school friends) stace, kez, nanthini, esther, clement: for support, for consolation

HIM...: for putting me thru this for a good reason that i shalll understand soon...for loving me unconditionally despite my anger directed to Him..for..love, love, love

:)

SRKT charity dinner

the reason why i love them sooo much??
coz they have left lasting smiles in my heart
lasting happiness in my journeys to come
:)

zoomongous mania

yes yes, a repetition of two blogs
but give some chance lah...to express my zoomongous feeling in my own way

where: everyones (everyone who came excluding me) ancestral area, country of origin
who: strange creatures of the wild with the names - sharania, uma, sai, shiva, thiru, kumaran, jj

it was initiated by sharania...i wanted to go to the zoo too! then i get a call from her- an invitation to her home and the home of all her friends!...they were sooo generous when i visited their home...took me on a complete tour, where i got so see some of their real forms -> orang utan (sharania) , pigs (shiva)...ect ect....

and after they showed me their side of the world, i showed them my more civilized side..introduced all of them to a civilized game called pool...they were sooo excited to see sth sooo different (hehehehehehe)...so i taught them the game, since i am after all the best in it....
ahhh...okok..rekha, dnt lie, its bad for health. well, the truth..i suck at pool!!!!!! but im not the only one who sucks...thiru is baddddd too. so we decided to determine whos the ultimate loser at the game...and i shall proudly announce its not me...!!!!! i beat him! yay (sorry, i just had to boost my ego a bit..)

now for pictures....














we were jealous that the animals got to live behind bars.















not all survived the insanity















at the start!















there are times when we actually do look normal














looks like im a some goddess: shiva and rabia are my guarding animals amd thirus worshippin me. :) all hail rekha!














eeekzzzz!! eww (hehe..i like being mean)














the sophisticated (front), the unsophisticated (back)















I LOVEEE HORSES! my most fav animal in the whole wide world! was suppose to learn horse back riding this hols....where did all my moneyy gooooo???? sob sob...









thirus way of showing gratitude...sighhh....kids these days..