pre trip post

i'll be leaving like day after tomoro...
WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
tats realllly fast
actually its tomoro
considering the fact tat now its past md nite
im so so so consoled that jivis is cmming wit me
and we both made solemn promises to each other
that we wont ditch at all!!! we'll stick to each other like soulmates
we need the support from each other larrsssssss
and its funny enof
that a lot of thoughts in our minds
actually match
as in they are the same!
so we havent really lost that many many years of friendship
have we jivs???
yeap
12 years
and more to come
yesh....12....we were besties frm the first day of p1 at ehv
we had to play tis game..where u rmb the name of the person nxt to u
till the next week
and jivis and i happened to be next to each other
hehehe
she saw sth in me i think

okok...so enof of jivis...heh
back to the trip proper
yeap
leaving this sat
back on the 31st
havent packed
but im used to last minute packing
theres been so much gng on
the whole temple has been like transformed into like an arts school!!!!
in every room there are like zombified ppl cutting, painting, stitching, pasting
y zombified??
coz everyones like dng work till 1am!!!!
everyday....
yawns...
we need to finish the exhibition stuff by friday..tats like todae..lol

tomoro (friday) night
abi, achu, shrania are staying over
so that they can follow me to the airport the next morn
have to be there at 5 AM!
not planning to slp at all
ordering pizza!
and we'll stay awake thru k?
my dearie anisha was supposed to stay too
but shes not :(
its ok dear!
i'll call and wake u up at 5! frm the airport

am i excited?
of crs!
am i scared???
of crs!
will i cry when i leave???
yes!
is this the first time i'll cry when i go away?
yes!
then how come i'll cry??
coz dunnoe if i deserve this?scared?
and ppl tat im used to going india with aernt going

when i get back.....
i think things will be differnt
in one sense, things will definitely be different
a lot of EXCITEMENT
firstly
SCHOOL IS STARTING
FINALLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY the holidays comming to an end
i cant take it
my brain is gng to explode
yesh..i ACTUALLY wanna study
anw its quite exciting...
i will get to study all sorts of books
frm like brit lit
to like asian lit
from like drama
to film studies
yeah...majoring it lit rawks!
whoa...university mannnnn...no more uniforms
haha
cant believe it
i still feel like i just ended O levels

2nd thing tat im really really really looking forward
is the TSPC
okok..speak english rekha
it stands for
teaching scholarship presentation ceremony
u get to inivite only 3 ppl tho
tat INCLUDES your parents
and the other person
has to be a teacher that inspired u...
i invited a person who taugt me in a different way
she didnt teach me in school
but taught me at EHV
but shes still a teacher by profession
go guess....haha
they make it sound really prestigious
like the GOH is minister of edu himself
and its at suntec ballroom
but quite scary
anw...i just have sth against the dress code
its suffocating!!!!!
long sleeve collared formal shirt
and HEELS! argh.. OUCH... heels = ouch
anw...still on my list of exciting things nontehless

feel a bit sad tat i missed the uni camps
espeacially the faculty of arts camp
oh well
hope O week is still fun in a way
reunification with nathini !!!!
after a painful 1 1/2 years of separation
wish mel was wit us tho
love them lots

ok.anything else that i wanna say b4 i leave???
errrrmmmmmm
to alll those staying behind::::
rekha loves u lots
and she'll call all of u as often as poss
this includes
anishaaaaa ... rania ....

and abi achu,,,,
faster come!!!!!!
i tell u i'll jump for joy when i see u guys there on the 25th
:) :) :) :) :)

and i feel like saying this
i love all of u
as in all my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love yew love yew love yew guys
*muacks*

see you all again in the 31st
:)
and those gng to sch wit me
get geared up
for exitement at its max

:)

bye for now ...

desperado

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences,
for so long - now.
Ohh you're a hard one.
I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin'you
Can hurt you somehow.

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table.
But you only want the ones
That you can't get.

Desperado,
Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger,
They're driving you home.
And freedom, ohh freedom.
Well that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the night time from the day.
And you're losing all your highs and lows
aint it funny how the feeling goes
away...

Desperado,
Why don't you come to your senses?
come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you.
(let sombody love you)
You better let somebody love you...ohhh..hooo
before it's too..oooo.. late.
(the eageles)


everyone has a song to describe his or her feelings at some point .. a song that perfectly summarises her moments...her feelings.. her thinking...and yeah..this is the one for me right now.

saturdar

PART 1
stayed over at abis place the day b4
slept at 3
woke at 5
so basically 2hrs of slp
damn tired
went to airport
send aunty nesam of
left airport around 8

PART 2
reached home around 9 15
met my second surety
at 10 45
went to moe
sign papers
yawnnnnsssssss
but i got to spend time wit my second surety
:)
and we made each other laugh
toking nonsense
and yawning every 3 minutes
left MOE around 12

PART 3
met rania at causeway point
yawns
hehehe
suppose to watch thiru play hockey
thank god tat was done away wit
yay!
(hehe..im so mean!)
but he won... must be because of us..somehow
so slacked at bb coffee bean wit rania
yawns again
hehe
met two strange creatures
they go by the names maran and jivis
god bless my soul
to have such strange friends..
ahhh okok cannot be soo mean rekha
anw..went to jp
yesh
JURONG POINT!
a place tat reminds me of a sad past
haha
soo far frm my place larrr...meanies!
met 3 suspicious characters
okok..i give chance ot shiva...he's not that suspicious
played pool
i must admit
im damnnn good lar
marans jealous
sharania needs to buck up
:)
then some hockey 'champion' joined us
he looks weirrdddddd i tell u
too goody goody
and we all know thiru is not equal to good
hehe
aft all the poolin
2 ditched us
went to shivas place
lets ignore the sad details of this part
and hop on to the nice parts
hanged around the pool area
it was fun
really
:)
left arnd 10 30

the highlights:
me wacking maran with my slipper
cat fight with rania (i won)
me being a wonderful pool player...heh
me kicking thiru
me pouring pool water on shiva
i think he cried
actually ...
i tink rania and i made all the guys cry
hehehehehehehehehe
rite rania???
and at the end of it all
they bowned down to us and agreed to bo our slaves
yay!

of crs rania took a lot of photos
60 to be accurate
but u noe wat
im only in 20 of them
hrmph!!!
:(

ahhhhhhhhhh... some1 helppp me!!!!haha luv yew rania! (*puke*) ;)














shocked!horrorS! we must have seen one of the guys














jivis! next time tip toe larrrrr

at my low

my grandmas in hospital again
:(
tho she seems fine
i hate it when shes there
it makes me scared
scared to think that someday
maybe soon
she'll have to go
and i hate it when ppl talk and say
tat day seems to be comming
for shes been too hurt my her sons death last year
my uncle
and hurt at this age
is a strong trigger
for ones own departure
and its times like that
when i hate myslef
for not being able to speak tamil
for tho its clear that we love each other
the love isnt expressed to its fullest
:(
i'll make it up to her in my next life
..
for now i'll just enjoy being with her

and today
a reminder of a certain moment
a moment of hurt
became so clear
that i started hurting again
and tho i said moments always pass
i have a strange feeling
that some just are here to stay
and tho the pain will eventually go
it will still lay in me
deep within
but in me nontheless
the most hurting of all :
im powerless
i cant do anything
and cant talk no more
cant talk to anyone
coz no one can make the pain go away
so whats there to do?
cry...cry it all out...
the flow tears somehow help
coz once u push all the sadness out of u
it kind of leaves more room
for joy and satisfaction
and it leaves more opportunity
to forget
and leave what needs to be left in the past
and to run far away form it
never looking back
run till its out of sight
and no longer matters
no longer part of my life

simple fun

yeap. todays one of those days.where theres no clouds.everythings clear...as in....there was no complications..no emo-ism....it was just a normal simple day.....the sort i love...it makes life look sooo....clear?

so what didi i do in the day?
mainly :
1) went for lunch with mummy/naina
2) slack at home
3) met aunty sandra and abi at toa payoh to eat/drink
4) temple post-wedding clearing up

well the post weddng clearing up was really something. it was disgusting! seriously, the place was in a mess! and it was so so so smelly. this was the first time that the place was so smelly and only 6 of us to clear the whole place and set up for friday,,,but we did it...of course with much laughter..what with uncle sunthar and all his stories.....so it was a tiring task...but a joyful one nontheless.. :) (but i came out stinking like the room!ewwwwwww) so we managed to make it look sparkling clean...and nice smelling... :)

yeap. thats all i did todae. i loveeee days like that. so simple. yet it ends with a bang...i just sailed thru the day...pure simple fun. :) :)

oh btw..just FYI, i did come home and have a nice long shower. and now as im blogging, i smell of johnson and johnson baby bath foam... yay!!!!!!!! i smell good...smell me!!!!!!!... :)

see- saw

see-saw
up and down
happy
sad
happy
pissed
happy
sad
happy
pissed

once, she told me, shes gotten so used to life that everytime shes sad or angry, she'l remind herslef that it'll be better soon...coz its like tat u see...u can be soo sad one day...but its definite that that moment will surely pass...and a joyous happy moment will eventually crop up...so if u look at it that way..life just becomes life..a matter of getting used to...like a see-saw...you wont stay down forever...at some point, u will be on the 'up' side....

i was reading my 'emo' post tat i wrote 2 days ago...and you know what..its amazing how i feel sooo detatched from it at this moment...at that moment when i was writing it...tehre was sooo much anger..i wonder where all that anger disappeared to...

so i kinda figured...the next time im angry or sad..i just have to do what she does...remind myself that its just another moment in time ... and it will pass...and another moemtn..either a happy one or anotehr sad one will take its place...basically the lesson is...no moment is permanent..so y let any moment affect you?

life is made up of all these little 'moment' pakages
a package gets delivered to you with each breath u take
the trick comes in rising above these packages
to open them up
and face whatever is inside with His name on your lip
and courage in your heart
the packages arent life
the moments arent life
life is beyond each moment
its a bigger more significant picture
and our job is to find that true meaning to life
to look beyond individual moments...
to trust Him...
to trust that each package he gives you if for your good
this is the dummys guide to life

if only i could stick to that little solution
oh how happy life would be
tyr try and try
trust.

yawnssss

yeap. it was a super super tiring day. firstly i went to bed so late then couldnt get out of bed. but i had to coz i had to be at the temple by 11+...soooo..rush rush rush rush....went to get stuff ready for class...then later on aunty sandra, hemma and me were cutting papers till we seriously went mad..and we left the temple only at 2 50...reached the school at like 3 10...class started!!!!!...and me..NOT CHANGED....rush rush rush....and the stupid toilet didnt have a mirror...what a disaster....so i also looked like a disaster thru the day...sighsss..my hair was in a mess...

but it was a good day nontheless...a great first lesson...everyone was high...even while we were preparing for class...we were crazy...aunty sandra la...super funny..and in class...tho i hardly spoke a word enjoyed myelf...coz i could see tat the girls were really enjoying themselves...it was all so perfect...as usual...:) :) :)

and at the end of it all...im so so so tired....splitting headache....but oh so happy and contented...:)

scream.run. scream

urgh
urgh
argh

im not useless
im not some girly piece of shit


i make mistakes???
so??
an no im not dimwitted


so what am i suppose to do
be pissed?
be hurt?
in silence....

and seriously
im not an innocent crappy idiot!!!!
im not INNOCENT!!!

sometimes i feel like running away
any1 wanna join me?
run and run and run
to somewhere really far
and find out who i am
disappear to discover
and then come back
a person no one would hate
a person i wont hate

sometimes my heads all noisy
really noisy
i cant seem to silence it
its just getting worst
all the thoughts
god knows where they come from
theres no more space in my mind
yet these thoughts
they keep comming
ahhhhh
shuttup!!!!!!


i wanna run
i wanna hurt me
i wanna scream
scream
till its silent
both outside and inside
:(
is the end drawing near?
i wish
im fed up
im fed up with trying and trying
im fed up with falling and falling
with disappointing everyone
with hurting- me and others
with being confused
with wanting waht isnt needed
with making mistakes
with not pleasing him...
and im tired

unthinkable change

since 1974

its been our identity!

we are proud of it...

ask any one of us



we wore it with pride

stood up for it



even when it was put down by the newspaper

so many proud smss girls wrote in



yes, and im too proud

that i wore it for ten straight years



so



HOW CAN THEY CHANGE IT NOW!!!!!

its unthinkable

its sooooo

WHAT!!!!!!!



how can you cange the st margarets uniform?????

harrr???

huh?????



yup. the smss uni is gng to be changed. well thankfully, the polka dots remain. but still???????

its been the uniform since 1974. one of the first proper uniforms of singapore schools.

i suddenly miss our late principal, mrs caroline lee. she would never change the uniform. she carried the smss identity as much as we did. God bless her soul.



the change:

from one piece to two piece

knee length to above knee length skirt

fake tie to real tie.....





ok so maybe it would look nicer...but NO...it still cant be changed. calling all ex students to petition!!!!! someone come up with a petition FAST...i know we were toking bout it, but now we have to go beyond talking.



everyone knew a smss girl when they saw one. they couldnt miss us. be it when we went down to town or took a short ride to the nearby hollad V......but we were proud that ppl knew that we were from smss....coz we knew what life there meant....



"for charity, patience, devotion

let's be known

these qualities St Margaret's shown

on this our school has grown"..... :)

shopping :)

yeap, i know normal human beings would go shopping while the GSS is still on...but is rekha normal...nooooooo....so she goes after the GSS....yipeeeeeee

so amidst all the t shirts/blouses/pants/shoes....what do i get?????

drum roll pls.... :)

my torquoise blue nike bag!!!! YAY...ive been eyeing it for a few weeks now whenever i pass by the nike outlet at novena...yes....im half the time at novena...but pls dont go find me...no matter how desperate you are to spend time with me :)

now this i must say...guess who eyed this bag with me..yes, none other than my dear anisha..since half the time shes also at novena, but not like any of you want to go find her rite?? anw, back to the point, tho we both were eyeing it TOGETHER, the harsh reality of life is that only ONE of us can buy it...main reason is coz its simply dunb to carry the same bag...yes yes, we do wear the same pair of earring, have the same bottle, but bag??uhuh, no wayyy..

so anyway, since only one of us can buy it,, it means whoever gets to it first has it...and yes,,,, who got to it first...weeeeeeeee,,,,,,ME!.....plus, im done with A's and when ur done with A's, ppl, like my mum, give gifts!!!.. sorry dear...sit for your A's first k..then u can get all the bags in the worldddd

i had to call her when i was buying..and i was like 'guess what??',,and she was like...'your buying the bag riteeeee..grrrr"

sorry kiddo! i have to be mean once in awhile, you have to balance everything in life.....

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU anisha dearie!!!!!!!we wear crown earrings this friday k??????and we'll roam the streets together and hen go for bhajans, all with the same pair of earrings!!!! :)

my promise

sometimes i wonder
wat would life be w/o you

do i seem like i take you for granted?
does it look like i dont value?

but what if today,
this day
i make make a promise
a promise that would ensure you
coutless moments of support
a lifelong contract of friendship
truckloads of love

if i were to break this promise
i would hate myself forever
for it would show that im a horrid person
and with that said, i swear never to break this promise.

im sorry for all the times i hurt you
im sorry for not paying attention to your love for me
im sorry for throwing my anger on you at times
im sorry for giving in to my temper
im sorry for being blind to your feelings

i hate myself
at times
for my ridiculous TEMPER
i get angry
and i let anger take over me
and i hate it
when i use it as an excuse to hurt those i love
and im gng to be more aware now
for im not willing to allow my anger
to me the cause of me losing u


i'll make it up to you
i'll be there forever
in no matter what circumstance
i'll compromise
and i'll love
i'll support
and i'll comfort

this is a little note that i write
to pave way for a future
where our friendship will grow stronger than ever

you were sent into my life
so that i can appreciate things that i never saw
selfess love
endless support

the lie behind the phrase
'blood is thicker than water.'

1 july 2007
a promise i make
to a special friendship.
:)