another great day

yes, it was another great great
great day.
i think if i start realising things,
start looking around,
i would for once,
be aware that,
ive got so so many,
people that care,
so many friends,
that i can count on for laughter, joy and fun..

yesterday i played one of the craziest pool games with shiva and sareniya..crazy y? OMG i tel u, the two of them damn lame lah...but super funny. i laughed till my stomach hurt so much...and of course i was the only one who looked like an idiot..coz i suck at pool ... and i suck even more next to shiva...coz tat guy is damn good at the game. when we went against each other, i lost quite fast haha...i just depend on all the free balls. HELP! some1 teach me pool...anw, yar, it was so much fun..thanks guys... :)

fade faster pls

12- 2 last nite
one of the most 'feel good' conver
in a long long while..
a friend that i know
i can count on
forever... :)

the really harsh truth:
we dont get to choose
our feelings, our emotions
we can just do our best..
to resist them
to overcome them
the rest is out of our control

whats with these feelings anw?
where do they come from..
see if i didnt choose it
its gng to be tough
to choose to let go of it
BUT
thanks to the wonderful friendship
thats surrounds me
its fading
fading
fading....

:)

just hope it fades faster...

girls nite out

so happy!!...tonight was great! met up with my st margs friends (nanthini, carina, ya hui, ai xuan, jing and evelyn). well the plan was suppose to be dinner at esplanade thai express...but when we got there it was just way 2 crowded. so we went to to marina instead...had good good fun...we talked...i talked bout all the stuffs thats been happening..everyones real sweet...in different ways they each made me feel better... i realised i miss days at st margs so so much...as in the time with these girls...and others..i think its not just friendship... its like being sisters....I MISS U GUYS!!!!!

there we are :)

my darrling!!... muackz!

(anw..more photos on friendster)

the nature of conversations...

went to the temple to help as usual todae...the nice part came after the whole thing....just a few of us stayed downstairs to eat supper..and we listened to uncle mathi tell nice stories :) laughed a lot...

but its funny..how ppl start with a conver..and it links to one conver to another...and in the end, the conver that you end up with is so far from what u began with...lets use todaes conver as an example...

ppl present: (me, abi, achu, uncle mathi, uncle ramesh, aunty sumathy)

so heres how it goes..
1.it starts by uncle mathi making fun of my Tamil..then he says i can act as those ppl in tamil dramas..those ppl who speak tamil with accents...
2. So i tell Him to get me the role..im ready to act..and he tells me np...he's suppose to be a director...'im suppose to be a director..or singer also can..but both didnt happen' (haha)
3. then..dont know how.it ended up with him telling the twins and i how he resisted alcohol and smoking in the army...
4. then somewhere while he was telling his story...some flying insect came near us..and all the females, naturally screamed, screeched..ran..
5. uncle mathi starts laughing, together with uncle ramesh
6. and they start talking bout white coakroaches!
7. after this uncle mathi tells us about black cats near his home! (told you it'll keep linking till theres no link!)
8. And now guess where we end up!! we start having a sathsang! bout the whole idea of rebirth!...
9. Uncle Mathi talks about a book he read..about past births..and then all the adults start telling the twins and I stories about rebirth!!....

see, point proven!...we start by talking bout my Tamil, and we end up in a spiritual conversation bout karma.lol!, now wheres the link??

But the whole thing was so fun!..laughed a lot (i needed it)....and gosh we sat there talking for so long! over mee siam, sambar and plain water ! :)

numb=sweet

emotions died down.
feelings at its lowest.
tears no more..
its gone!
FINALLY!
over...gone...thank heaven!

its lays really subtle ,
deep in the pits of my heart.
But from subtle,
i can feel it going to..
'no more'.
Its ending...
winters gone.
springs here.
im free from the clutches of my emotions.

But is that what i really want?
its an eclipse of the heart
from full to empty
its almost hollow now.
coz i was forced to empty it out,
to spill out the emotions..
now im numb.

With a huge sigh,
i'll declare,
im allowing the eclipse,
to remain there,
for some time more...
And i'll tolerate the numbness.
for right now,
(with the immense burden,
that came with the feeling of hurt;
the dominant emotion for past weeks)
thats the sweetest feeling.
Numb.

last days of winter

Winter was suppose to end
a couple of weeks ago.
My emotions dragged it
to last till this minute.
And its still winter...

But I squint,
squint hard
(after all, im myopic)
and there in the distance,
i see the flowers, the sun,
the birds, the river.

Spring.
Its here at last.

My cheeks were wet.
Hardly ever dry.
For that mysterious liquid
they call tears,
has been flowing.

Even through winter,
It didnt freeze.

But just this afternoon
i shed the last couple of drops.
Clueless to why they appeared,
this afternoon.
But they're drying up.

The tear stains
remain there tonight.

By morning tomorrow,
They'll be gone.
And this whole drama,
would have ended.
The emotions are far out at sea :)

too nice?

and i still get this comment. "your too nice"

sigh

compliment? you think?

well, i guess...

but if it pushes ppl away frm u
makes ppl cautious with you
then it becomes upsetting
.....

the mind

the mind hates to be free
when it is
it grabs something
occupies itself..

my mind has been doing exactly that...

but
theres a challenge
a game
a fight
for me to take up
to hold my mind
subordinate to me

I am of authority
I am authority.
so back of.
mind. people.

always be happy
life is a miracle in the human race
joys and sorrows in life will come
treat them like passing clouds and sing the Lords grace
love all serve all
giving love and kindness is the way of life
open up your hearts
rainbows and sun shine
will come into your life.

the jakarta gangster.

A tribute..
to an old friendship...
never lost....
never gone.

shes an A1,
im an F9...
shes a deer,
im an elephant,
shes beauty,
im the beast.

guess that old saying
"opposites attract"
goes for friendship too.

i missed her,
i miss her,
and im still missing her.
more now,
coz i know,
with all thats happening in my life now
the hurt, the emotions,
everthing,
the drama,
would take less time
to heal
if she was here.

coz we went thru..
what you need to go thru
from the age of 13- 16

to novena church
at 5 am...
"rekha, i want a hashbrown"
did u say that?
anw
"here you go"
i'll say.
"hello, rekha pls"
or it'll be
"hello, michelle pls.."
or i'll cry
and sometimes,
you'll cry.
and i'll laugh,
and you'll laugh.

we havent seen each other in 3 years..
that bum had to move to the states...
but somehow,
i dont feel the lost in connection,
yeah i miss her,
the convenience of picking up the phone,
having her next to me
(its easier o make fun of her height that way)
i guess thats real friendship
you dont have to be in the same country
or you dont have to talk every week
to feel love for the person
you may be countries, continents
apart
and you still feel love
(dont worry, we're both straight)
I MISS YOU IDIOT!
come back soon
:)

KA-POW

ka-pow, ka-ching
and im free!

why in colour?
or why in different colours?
coz thats what freedoms like.
you start having choices.
you get to choose
this or that
right or left.
and when you choose
you make your journey
and you walk on
never turning back
never heaving
a sigh of regret.
and i gladly say
now im free!
KA-POW!

im too nice.
im too nice.
im too nice.
am i?
well thats what lots of people say.
i dunnoe u know.
i think ive changed quite a bit
mean u want?
sure.
fierce u want?
no problem
back to nice?
sure, if u want...

and its like that.
u have the power to choose.
i have the power to choose.
:)

ka-pow, ka-ching,
im free!

TAMIL

as part of my learning journey to malaysia with abi and achu..my tamil has improved. cross my fingers..i learned new words u know..shall list them (for those of you who know tamil, dont mind my spelling)

1. puchandi (monster)
2. pada (sleep)
....

ok thats it..uhoh...looks like im still stagnant at a F9...sigh...but my tamil song singing has improved...now i really cross my fingers...listen to this::

yelah yelah yelah, yelah yelah ma
yelah yelah yelah yelah yelah yelah ma
randaka randaka randaka randaka

alrite...so maybe thats not exactly tamil..like kumeresh said, its like saying u know a new english song then all that comes out from your mouth is 'la la la la la la la ..'
so the above was the new 'tamil' song i came back with
but....it was hardly a tamil song. so due to my enthusiasm in mastering the tamil language, i decided to learn at least one stanza of the song with kumeresh being my tamil song teacher...so here goes ..

andak kakka konda kari
randaka randaka randaka randaka
atchi vella konda kari
randaka randaka randaka randaka
ayya veeduk kandak kari
randaka...
ayira meenu kanmuk kari
randaka...

so there goes my first actual tamil song...i tried singing it many times...and each time i sing it, i have one goal im mind: to make it sound more like tamil...why? coz right now, even i have to admit..i seriously sound like im singing a malay song. (btw, i have no idea what it means) sigh. wait. just wait. one day i shall be a tamil literary genius. after all, hardwork always pays of at the end of the day.

thanks to, not abi and achu, kumaran and guna (they're cousins)...over the one week, i actually started appreciating tamil ... i even know a tamil alliteration :mudu mudachi (tie three knots on the tali. i.e, get married) my 2007 goal: learn more tamil songs and speak more PROPER tamil..uhoh..HELPPP....

i shall close by singing all of u another tamil song. enjoy.

1...2...3...4...here goes

all over the world i like to see my indian girls
salanga oli mukuthi alagi ...(something)... indian girls
so sexy in theyre silky sarees, country indian girls
..(something something)...kumkum pottu thali..something..mudu mudachi?

not bad huh? i actually like that song..the beat's good..oh well...to all my tamil friends out there..dont be useless..do some good with ur tamil language knowledge...teach me!

friendship

Now people, lets define friendship
no i changed my mind...lets not
its too subjective...
i cant contain it within a single definition...
so lets just leave it
to each of our own judgement
the reason..
the past few weeks...or maybe a month
I have opened my eyes to the true meaning of friendship
and in its light
im forced to reconsider my initial definition of friendship...
a person i say one sentence to...is that friendship?
a person i spend hours with but cant confide in...is that it?
a person i can confide in, but hardly has any time for me??
i have no idea...

by my side

He is more than tomorrow
no less than the night
greater than sunset
no less than the sight
He is there in the morning
when you open your eyes
as you sleep He's above you
to hold up the skies

His students would drop anything for Him...its automatic for them...now i wonder...why cant it be the same for me. Today i give my word..to drop all than i'm feeling for Him..to allow conciousness to rise over emotions. who needs the sun, moon, who needs other sources of love, who needs the mountains and the stars, who needs mars and all the other planets...who needs anything, when i've had Him by my side all this while. I may not know it, i still have no evidence to prove it, but i'll keep searching and trying my best, to hold on strongly to the love that i know He surrounds me with...and one day, hurt will never be...it'll never cross my path...for i know, everyone will leave...except Him..He'll stay, no matter what...so fly away emotions.

dont trust ppl....NO ONE

u know ... some ppl have said that im too innocent...others say naive...some even go to the extent of using the word immature...i hate these descriptions of me...but rite at this very moment in time...maybe i'll acccept such desriptions...for a simple reason that ive just experienced one of the harsh realities of life ... ppl cant be trusted... no one... the whole thing bout i fur feeling something that u need help with, or u need to confide in some1...and that someone should be a friend...dsnt exist....dont tell anything to anyone...coz u never know who will be the one to let ur secrets out...it cld even be ur closest friend..or not...dsnt matter..bottomline is theres no measurement for trust...

in malaysia...

yeshhh....rite now at this very moment..im in KL..oh boy,, its been long since i visited malaysia...here with abi and achu...we have big planss....sunway lagoon lah...to genting...to major shopping...and even maybe a little re-connection to spirituality by going to batu caves...butttttttttt.....we havent done any of it...so yar....hahas...but still having loads of fun...and its a good break from lots of realities that i don want to face back in s'pore....i rode on a motorcycle!!first time...i must say im not a bad rider..lol...anw...the only bad part is...im still distracted...very distracted actually...by it all....

HECK!

my new motto for life...just HECK!...im going to start hecking everyones opinin of me...right or wrong...just HECK!...i thing ive bothered enough already...ive been hurt too many times...anw...i think the root if many emotions and problems is just that i care too much sometimes...too sensitive???i dnt noe...and u noe wat...i dnt care coz if ppl cant accept me for who i am, just too bad...anw...now i officially announce to the world that i HECK!

The Upside of Anger

(ending lines of the movie..very meaningful and true)

its real though, the fury, even when it isnt. It can change you, mould you into someone your not. The only upside to anger then is the person you become. Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realises that its not afraid of its journey. Someone that knows that truth is at best a partially told story; that anger like growth comes in spurts and fits and in its wake leaves behind a new chance of acceptance and the promise of calm.

i love this little para..its so true..and it means a lot..the movie too is good...go watch it....

Too long a break

Ive been on hiloday for 4 months now...gosh...im getting pretty bored of slacking actually. i noe this sounds way too freaky, but i miss studying...only 2 subjects lah..lit and history...esp lit...really...i seriously miss studying.. i still remember how i was dying last year during A's..haha. i swear i was suicidal. but that was too much of studying lah. i remember being afraid to sleep and take baths coz i thought that was like time away frm studying...only slept frm like 3-6...even on holidays.. I WAS MAD!..ok, to some, i still am mad..in the end i dint get the grades i wanted..bye bye to law...sob..tho ppl have asked me to just try and appeal to law and if i get rejected go to SMU law...i dnt think i want to. A's already cant go thru witout being suicidal...imagine how i would be if i took law...confirm end up in IMH. anw, back on track...yar..too long man the holiday..and still got 3 mnths to go...boy...tats damn long. but oh well, theres still stuff i have yet to do....

1. go cycling at sentosa...its been a year!
2. take squash, fencing and horse back riding lessons (i need more cash for tat)
3. go to korea (i love korean guys!) and japan (thats not going to happen)
4. go to the zoo (dont ask me y)
5. re furnish my parents room
6. do relief teaching (which im suppose to already be doing)
7. climb mt himalaya
8. go to escape (sorryyy...i noe..a bit slow..i havent been there yet!)
9. more shopping
10. meet up wit sec sch peeps..

yar..i'll list ten first..yess..theres more..btw, next wee i'll be gng to KL wit abi and achu...shoppppinggggggggg!!!!!weeee.... i want to do lots of that....well...i need to get away...im too distracted in S'pore...i have to take my mind away frm certain circumstances and ppl for a week...do a bit of thinking...haiz...still confused..anw...im getting too excited bout NUS...lets see if i get in first..haha...still wondering if i should join squash or fencing..actually wanted tennis... (again, I MISS TENNIS!)...but they dnt have rec..dnt want to be commited to any team... i miss debates a lot..but no way am i joining NUS debate team ....

weekend

Saturday...seva...(community service) at red cross home...boy...dont think ive done cleaning to this extent in a long while..we cleaned the back windows...ewwwwwww...grosss...and i stood on the ladder till my feet hurt and i cleaned till my hands became red and wrinkly...haiz..im such a nice girl lol...but oh well..it ended up to b fun and fruitful...interacted a bit with the residents...remember we went there about two years ago to interact with them..so i recognised a couple of them...sunday..class as usual...it was good i guess...we had extra time..there was a basketball..so we ended up playing for awhile...yeap...thats my weekend...nothing different... and like i said..i hate recounting...so ... we end.